Chapter 3
In his chambers, the Chairman of the Committee of Morpheus sat behind his desk lost in his thoughts. A discreet tap on the door stirred him. ‘Come in Winkworth,’ he said.
The door opened less than an inch. Winkworth, his assistant, slid through. The Bogeyman coughed.
‘Yes, Winkworth.’ The Chairman said again.
In the league of toadying Winkworth could have taken gold, silver and bronze medals. He lifted the gold horn-rimmed spectacles that hung around his neck and surveyed the clipboard he was holding. ‘All the delegates are assembled my lord chairman and awaiting your pleasure,’ he said nasally.
‘I would hardly call it pleasure Winkworth. Anyone decline my invitation?’
Winkworth managed to blow his nose and convey horror all at the same time. ‘Decline sir? I hardly think that a personal invitation from the, sorry, The Chairman of the committee could be declined!’ He gave a little laugh at the absurdity of the idea.
‘Hmm.’ The Chairman rested his head on his hands and looked at the little creature in front of him. ‘Is it the right thing to do Winkworth, that’s what I keep asking myself?’ But what is the alternative?’ He sighed.
Winkworth wound the toadying up a notch. ‘It wouldn’t be for me to say, your lordship, I wouldn’t presume.’
‘You must have an opinion?’ The Chairman countered.
‘It is not my place to have one sir.’
The Chairman sighed again. ‘Very well, Winkworth, I suppose that place falls to me.’
‘Indeed sir, which is why you are the Chairman.’ His assistant said firmly.
Getting up from behind the desk, he crossed to the full-length mirror. From under the red curly wig, a troubled face looked back at him. Even the thick white makeup failed to hide the worry lines etching a map across his forehead. ‘I’m looking tired Winkworth, very, very tired.’
‘Yours is a great responsibility, sir.’ Winkworth slipped silently across the room and placed the ceremonial gown across the Chairman’s shoulders.
‘Is this completely necessary? I could go as I am. After all, informality might be the thing?’
‘No, sir. The ceremonial duck and goose down robe has been worn by generations of Chairmen, and I’m sure you do not want to be the one that breaks with tradit… Ahhh, Choo!’
‘Bless you! I wonder you know with your, um how can I put it… allergies that perhaps it might be better not to be around it, for you, I mean?’
Winkworth sniffed. ‘Your concern touches me, but it is quite unnecessary.’
‘Oh of course,’ the Chairman said hurriedly, aware that he might have inadvertently ruffled more feathers than those on his back. ‘Of course, I understand that the whole mucus thing is very much cultural. I assure you that I was only thinking of your comfort.’
‘I appreciate that, Sir.’ He said, mollified.
‘I meant I know Bogeymen take great pride in their traditions, just as I do in mine. Why I suppose you would no more be without your snot than I would be without my shiny red nose?’ The chairman honked to demonstrate the point.
‘Indeed sir, now if I may be so bold, I really would suggest given the circumstances you do not keep the committee waiting any longer than necessary?’ Winkworth said, brushing down a few stray feathers.
The Chairman surveyed himself in the mirror. ‘How do I look Winkworth, nose shiny?’ ‘The shiniest Sir!’
‘Then let’s get this show on the road.’
~~
The flop, flop, flop of shoes on marbled flooring could be easily heard from inside the meeting room. The Chairman knew from personal experience that there would be a flurry of activity inside as everyone tried to take their places. He slowed his walk, deliberately to prolong their anticipation. Not so long ago he had been on the other side of those imposing oak doors, and it had been a struggle to get where he was, but finally, he was the one who would throw them open and face the committee of Morpheus.
‘All rise for the Lord Elect, High Sheriff, Bango, elected representative of the Clown, buffoon, farceur, fool, funster, gagster, harlequin, humorist, jester, joker, jokester, picador, pierrot, prankster, punch, Punchinello, quipster, ribald, wag and wisecracker party and Chairman of Morpheus!’ The effort of announcing the chairman’s arrival sent Winkworth into a coughing fit. Apart from the rasps behind him, the long table was utterly silent as the chairman flop flopped his way to his seat.
‘Ladies, Gentlemen and Things,’ He began, ‘Thank you for taking the time to attend today’s emergency meeting. Please take your seats.’ Bango used the general flurry of activity to review his notes. ‘My Friends…’ He began before noticing a shadowy hand rise slowly. He nodded in acknowledgement. ‘The chair recognises the honourable member for Chasing, lurking, surprising and throwing people off things.’
‘I haven’t received my agenda; we always have an agenda, and I haven’t received mine!’ The grey creature spluttered nervously.
‘You won’t have received an agenda. It was an emergency meeting, Fred.’ Bango said. Another hand rose. ‘The chair recognises the honourable member for Pirates, buccaneers, sea-rovers and marauders.’
‘I assume we will still be having lunch. I know it is an emergency meeting as you said, but we always have sandwiches at least.’
‘Cheese and ham! Cheese and Ham!’ The parrot squawked from the honourable member’s shoulder.
The Chairman took a deep breath. ‘Winkworth, did you order some sandwiches?’
Consulting his clipboard, the assistant looked pointedly at the pirate. ‘Refreshments for the emergency meeting have been ordered and will be available at the end.’
‘Right!’ Bango started again, ‘is there anything that anyone would like to know about sandwiches or agenda’s or anything else?’ A hand started to rise, but its owner felt the full force of Winkworth’s glare so swiftly put it down again.
‘Good.’ The Chairman leant on the table. ‘Because the reason I have called you here is a grave matter, one might say it is a disaster in the making.’ All eyes in the room were on Bango, in some cases more than two per person.
‘So, what is it then?’ Cried the honourable member for putting things in the way for humans to trip over and make them twitch in their sleep.
The Chairman paused for dramatic effect. ‘It has come to my attention… that someone is at large in Morpheus… someone from Realitas. What’s more, my sources tell me that it is very likely this human will soon be leading an invasion!’
The delegates looked at each other in confusion. ‘I’m sorry.’ Fred said, ‘but you have dragged us all here to this essential emergency meeting because humans are coming from Realitas into Morpheus?’
‘That’s right,’ replied the chairman.
Fred laughed. ‘We realise you are new to this Bango…’
‘Right honourable chairman.’ Winkworth said automatically.
‘Yes.’ Fred snapped, ‘I don’t know where the honourable chairman has been for the last, ooh I don’t know, five thousand years, but humans from Realitas are always coming to Morpheus. Isn’t that normal? When they sleep, they cross dimensions and come here; they are an essential part of our economy. I fail to see the issue.’
Several other heads around the table were nodding in agreement, and there was a general muttering. Halfway down the table, a silver-haired grandmother was knitting a bed jacket, not an easy thing to do with both arms in plaster casts. ‘I think there is a point that our illustrious chairman has failed to mention,’ she said without looking up from her knitting.
‘Yes, yes, indeed, thank you, Ethel… um, I mean the honourable member for Polymorphic services.’
‘You’re welcome, dearie.’ Ethel continued her knitting.
‘As Fred has pointed out.’
‘Honourable member for Chasing, lurking, surprising and throwing people off things.’ Winkworth muttered.
‘Yes Winkworth, thank you, but I think in the circumstances we can dispense with that.’ The chairman ignored the hurt look on his assistant’s face. ‘As stated, humans have been coming here for generations. But… they have always been visitors and abided by our rules. On the return journey to their own dimension, everything gets scrambled up, so they may remember this or that, but for the most part, they are no real threat, that is until now! It appears that one of them has developed a machine which not only stops the scrambling of information on their way home, but it also allows them to control everything that happens in their dormant state. They will soon be dictating our landscape; what we eat, what we wear, where we live, it is a complete violation of our freedom. My friends, we will effectively become the slaves and playthings of humans!’
‘They can’t do that!’ The member for Things that go bang in another room cried out.
‘It’s outrageous!’ wailed the honourable member for Angelic presences bearing messages. There was an uproar in the room as forty-seven voices all trying to be heard at the same time.
‘Everyone! Please!’ The chairman appealed for calm.
‘Are we sure about this?’ The Pirate called out.
The Chairman hung his head. ‘Very sure, I’m afraid. Ethel, would you tell us your story if you think you’re up to it?’
The old lady bowed her head slightly, as much as her orthopaedic collar would allow. She knitted another line before she spoke. ‘As you know my dears, it’s not like me to make a fuss.’ There was a general murmur of agreement as she continued with her stitches.
‘Go ahead Ethel,’ the chairman said gently, ‘tell them what happened if it’s not too upsetting.’
Ethel sighed. ‘As I said, I don’t like to make a fuss. I went to investigate one of these new-fangled dreams that have been popping up all over the place. One of my constituents, Rose, you know her with the veins, anyway, she had told me about this castle had just appeared. One minute it wasn’t there, the next minute large as life and right overlooking her tomato plants. She said to me, Ethel, my tomatoes will never ripen with that dirty great building there, and you know she’s right because if they don’t get the full sun, then you have wasted your time. You can make chutney out of green tomatoes, but to be honest, I don’t like it much; it makes my eye twitch…’
‘Yes Ethel, but can you tell us about your accident?’ the chairman said. ‘Accident?’ she spat, ‘It was no accident I can tell you!’
‘Can you tell us what happened?’
‘I was getting to it,’ she said indignantly. ‘Anyway, as I was saying. Rose wanted me to investigate and as an elected representative of the comm…’
‘What happened?’ Several delegates shouted together.
Ethel pursed her lips. ‘Do you want to hear about it or not?’ she said crisply.
‘We do; we do,’ said the chairman placating her. ‘Now if everyone could keep quiet for a moment, Ethel will tell us how she came by her injuries. Shall we go from when you were inside?’
‘I went inside,’ Ethel continued, ‘and it was filthy. There were animals everywhere and their… doings. And the people! The people in there didn’t look as though they’d had a bath this side of daffodil Sunday, and they were acting mighty peculiar as well.’
‘Peculiar how?’ asked the pirate.
She stopped knitting and fixed her gaze on the pirate. ‘Like they hadn’t got minds of their own.’ There was some whispering around the table. Ethel let the news sink in. ‘So,’ she continued, ‘I go up to this large chap. He’s from Realitas, and he may have grown a bit, but I recognised him. Nasty little creature, he was when I knew him. Stealing pocket money, pulling the legs off spiders, kicking puppies, you name it, he was into it. In my official capacity as a polymorph, the little boy saw me as his great-grandmother, a woman who by all accounts was quite formidable, and the idea then was to persuade him back on to the straight and narrow.’
‘Did it work?’ A monster breathed from further down the table.
‘I believed it had.’ Ethel continued, resuming her knitting. ‘However, it seemed that the little boy had rather harboured a grudge against dear old great-grandma.’
‘Tell them what he did Ethel.’ The chairman prompted.
‘I went marching up to him and demanded to know what he thought he was doing! Now, normally, he would look at his shoes and be very ashamed, but not this time.’ Ethel’s needles moved faster until her fingers were a blur. ‘He laughed, a nasty, sinister evil laugh. It made the blood run cold; I don’t mind telling you. Then… then he said… You ain't the boss of me great-granny and…’
‘And…?’ the whole room held its breath.
‘He… he… he told me to walk outside… made me get into the bucket thing on the trebuchet and… and…’ she sobbed. ‘Had me shot over the wall into the moat.’
The whole room gasped.
‘His own great grandmother!’ Fred squeaked.
‘Did nobody help you?’ The monster asked horrified.
Ethel was unable to speak, so the chairman stepped in. ‘The way she told it to me, Ethel was completely under his control, there was nothing that she could do except comply.’
‘It was like being in a trance. I wanted to give him a good clip round the ear!’ Ethel said bitterly.
Bango looked around the table, making sure he had everyone’s full attention. ‘This is what we are dealing with my friends; this is what happens when one of those things turns up in Morpheus. We’re powerless. If this atrocity goes unchecked, we could be completely destroyed.’
The pirate got to his feet, dislodging the parrot which flapped around his head. ‘It’s an outrage!’ He yelled. ‘It can’t be allowed to happen!’ Other delegates were yelling too. Bango held his hands up.
‘Order! Order!’ Winkworth banged his clipboard on the table until order was restored. ‘There is one solution,’ the chairman said quietly, ‘but I warn you all it is not something to be taken lightly, and I will need you all to agree.’ The delegates waited.
‘We capture this human. Stop him before his plan for Morphean domination comes to fruition.’ There was a general murmur amongst the creatures.
‘You’re suggesting that we… kill this person?’ Fred said, shocked.
‘We can’t do that! It would be entirely unconstitutional!’ added the Pirate. ‘Unconsti…. Qwark!’ The parrot decided not to bother. ‘Bad Bango! Bad Bango!’ It screeched instead.
‘Silence that bird.’ The Chairman growled. Recovering himself, the chairman continued. ‘I know it is a radical step. However, as far as we know, there have been reports of up to three people who have now taken control of a situation. It seems to be localised around this castle. According to my intelligence…’ There was a noise from the parrot muffled immediately by the pirate clamping its beak shut. ‘According to my intelligence,’ Bango said with a pointed look towards the parrot, ‘the first invader was a human by the name of …?’
‘Will Cooper, my lord.’ Winkworth supplied.
‘Will Cooper.’ Bango repeated for effect.
‘What about the others?’ the shadow man asked.
‘Is he the one that attacked Ethel?’ said the Pirate.
Bango held his hands up again. ‘We believe that this Will Cooper is responsible for the operation. The other two seem to be his staff, or scouts or whatever you want to call them. The one they call…?’ Bango looked to Winkworth.
‘We don’t have a name your chairmanship.’
‘Anyway, he appears to be fairly harmless, although some of the ladies may not agree…’ Bango waggled his eyebrows suggestively but received only blank looks in return. ‘Ahem, anyway, according to Ethel, her assailant was never intelligent enough to come up with something like this. So, it would seem Will Cooper is the man we need to stop.’ Bango sat down as the committee argued amongst themselves.
‘It really can’t be the only solution. Perhaps we could talk to this person, explain what we are doing?’ The honourable member for putting things in the way of humans to trip over and then twitch suggested.
‘And confirm that to Realitas that we are vulnerable? We may as well put a big welcome doormat on ourselves.’ Bango scoffed.
‘But this could mean…it would be an act of war…!’ A voice said quietly from the back. The whole room went silent. All eyes fixed on the chairman.
‘It would be self-defence,’ he said eventually. ‘The way I see it, we have no choice.’
Comments