Chapter 7
The warm sun beat down upon the park bench. It also beat on Will, who just happened to be sitting there. A couple of poodles cartwheeled past, followed by an Old English sheepdog backflipping in hot pursuit. ‘That’s just showing off.’ Will called after the dog, but it paid him no attention. Will crossed his legs. It was then the concept dawned on him that he was completely naked. As the true horror of the situation was establishing itself, a six-foot, pink chicken sat down next to him, carefully took a newspaper from under its wing and began to read. Will covered his modesty as best he could. Although, as this was a chicken, he supposed it was technically naked too. However, as it was not Will’s normal comfortable state of dress perhaps the chicken could be persuaded to part with some of its newspaper.
‘Err, excuse me?’ The chicken peered slowly over the top of its paper, revealing itself to be Cassandra in a convincing chicken suit. She looked Will up and down in disgust.
‘Yes?’ She snapped.
‘Cass, Why…?’ he began.
‘Don’t even think about finishing that sentence,’ she growled, before retreating behind the paper.
‘But…’ A pair of murderous eyes stopped him again. He decided not to pursue the matter. They sat in silence for a few minutes.
‘I wonder if I could borrow some of your newspaper, nothing vital, the classifieds or the financial section, anything really,’ Will lowered his voice, ‘I find myself a little embarrassed.’
The chicken slowly looked him up and down. ‘You’re right to be embarrassed.’ She made a great play of sorting out some pages before handing them over with a dismissive flourish. With a snap of the remaining pages, she disappeared back behind the news.
‘Thank you,’ Will said as he arranged his new coverings over his lap. They sat there in silence as Will watched a battalion of penguins waddle past.
‘This is all very odd,’ Will said. Faux Cass just ruffled her feathers and turned slightly away. The minutes ticked by.
‘Anything interesting?’ Will tried again, ‘I mean in the paper?’
‘It’s becoming a sad and dangerous world,’ Cass the chicken tutted.
Will nodded his head sagely. ‘So… you’re a chicken now then?’ There was an uncomfortable rustling of pages and feathers.
‘As you see.’
Will glanced at the headline. ‘BEWARE!’ It screamed, literally. The words leapt from the page and exploded in the air before dissolving in a flurry of sparks. Will jumped. ‘And… Err… how is that working out for you?’ A shaken Will continued.
‘What’s that?’ Cassandra replied, apparently not noticing anything out of the ordinary.
‘Being a chicken?’ Will answered, glancing around nervously in case anything else was considering shouting at him.
‘It’s not too bad. I’m only temping,’ she shrugged.
Will dared another glance at the headline; perhaps he had imagined the whole thing. ‘YOU ARE IN GRAVE DANGER!’ The words launched themselves from the page and began dancing around his head like angry mosquitoes. Will screwed his eyes tight and batted them away with flailing arms. When he opened his eyes again, Cass was giving him the international look for ‘you’re a lunatic’.
‘Are you having some kind of fit?’ she asked eventually.
‘Didn’t you hear that?’
‘Hear what?’
‘Those screams? The words from your newspaper?’
‘The ‘beware’ one, or the ‘you are in grave danger ‘one?’
‘Either, both, it doesn’t matter. You must have heard them, seen them? They were right here.’ Will’s voice was gradually getting higher.
‘Nope,’ she said, with something almost resembling glee.
‘What do you mean, nope? You must have, you said it… I mean they were right here!’
‘You are becoming hysterical. I didn’t hear a thing.’ The chicken got to its feet and tossed the paper into the air, where it dissolved into a shower of bubbles that popped one by one. Will could feel himself starting to gibber. The chicken began to walk away.
‘Um, Cassandra?’ Will called after it.
‘I’m not Cassandra,’ the chicken called back. ‘I’m a chicken.’
‘Oh, that’s all right then.’ Will said to himself, as he awoke in a cold sweat.
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